Life is short yet,it's full of heartbreaks.I loved a girl once,she was my only girl.She stole my heart and shattered it into pieces,i was devastated for months because we shared fond memories but she changed,all she ever did afterwards was breaking my heart further.
I am lost ,i do not have a sense of direction , i had never felt this way ,the feeling of losing someone so important to my life it just felt like a magnitude 10 earthquake hit me,i was torn apart.
It only enabled me to learn the grim reality of human nature, we change ,i wonder if pure love existed and forever remained? is that a difficult thing ,i guess not.
Why do people change? Why do good things have to come to an end? Why does everything happen so quickly Why are you no longer mine? All things happen for a reason and i believe that everything has a reason but for this i have no explanation. I guess it's all fate.Last breakup was December 2012,it's already may 2013 ,yet i'm still dwelling on the past..><
part 2
I decided to do a part two since the first part was kind of vague and ambiguous.
Today as i was lying on my bed, i was thinking about the past again.It happens countless times.
Perhaps i should explain what happened because i sort of skipped to the ending without explaining the process.
For this girl,i would have done everything to make her happy,Cross my heart,I did.
I never had any experience and since she's my first love.I honestly, didn't know what to expect in a relationship, i must admit i failed miserably somewhere in the process,but one thing i know deep in my heart is that, i never stopped loving her back then and i really loved her.
There were times,i made her jealous and hurt but i have no intentions of hurting her.
All i did was in hope that she will have more time for me and change her lazy mindset to always stay at home because i was dying to be with her,to see her every single day of my life.I wanted to be closer with her,at first,i did got closer with her.But it never lasted.You can't blame me for this can you? I just wanted to spend more time to get closer with her as i felt we were drifting apart.
To my dismay, what i feared happened.
It changed my mood drastically ,althought we only have quarrels in text.
It worsen, the bad thing about only quarrelling in text is that she couldn't feel whether i was joking or serious and i won't know what she was feeling,i could never make up for what i did wrong and we couldn't communicate effectively because the communication used was text messaging.
I never could have guess it.I'd rather we quarrelled in real life which we never did once.
That silent quarrels/protests lead to the downfall of our relationship.
I'll keep personal information confidential but i guess it's fine to talk about the events right? ,hmm yeah.
Alright so i was in my first relationship,everything seemed well , we didn't really have much time together but we were definitely getting closer.
But on a day it all ended, until today i will never forget the series of events that took place, first the date.It was a day before christmas and i was like so devastated.
A part of me died that day, first it was the feeling of isolation then it was the feeling of lost like when you're stranded on a island with nobody but yourself and it was so surreal,the radio was already playing "how could this happen to me" by simple plan,no kidding.
Alright so the key events before that some funny breakup texts to lighten the mood. #Self-Humiliation
Now notice how this images are funny and less hurting, mine was far worse than all this added up. #NoJoke
1.girl breaks up with me through text,on a day before christmas(merry christmas adds in some funny breakup texts to lighten the mood)
2.rejects calls/refuses to meet/ignores texts messages(great now the phrase you are all by yourself now doesn't get any more surreal)
3.hurtful texts(really hurtful ones.They will make any grown men weep like a girl,no exaggeration done here)
If you could imagine, i didn't know what went wrong.
All i know is that we're over and i'm suppose to be real devastated.
And true enough, i was.
The promises,the memories,the events just keeps repeating like it's the only thing in my mind like what happens when you have two songs in a playlist and you set it to play.
It was the first time but it ended like a disaster,i was reassured in the process of the relationship that i was a great guy not by myself.I felt elated for that, but then why would someone do this to a great guy then?
I have no idea,when your girlfriend will say that she had never felt this way before and you're thinking , yes ,i gave her the best impression she have ever had and it shows i really love her which i really do.
Then it ends and you think am i really that good anymore?
It's kind of anti-climatic to talk about this since, i recently had a crush but anyway that didn't went well, i didn't try,but she have a boyfriend what could i do. ): but i have the inspiration to do this, maybe this would be the day i finally vent out all my frustrations.
#TrueFacts The most hurtful thing that could happen to you , could only be dealt by the one you love the most.
Until today, if i were to scroll my text messages up to the hurtful texts the girl sent.It would literally ruin my day.
But honestly, i don't hate her.I never did and i never will.There is only the presence of love itself.
She was previously my best friend ,my first girl best friend literally.She was unique.
But in between the relationship,this relationship was lost.
It was regrettable but it never came back.
But what sucks,like in metaphoric sense.
A blackhole.It appeared out of nowhere in my life, it took away the relationship i had with her both as a lover and as a bestfriend.
And then I don't get one thing,Why do you associate guys to be people with heart made of steel? That's ironic.
I mean one thing the world taught was that guys were not suppose to cry no matter what.
Aren't guys humans too? Humans have emotions and it is perfectly normal to.We do,when we're sad.
The relationship we shared was special i thought.I hadn't told anyone about this, but because i was stuck in the past,unwilling to accept the present.I had days of sleepless nights and what do i do?
I wrote love letters to you after our breakup,i couldn't sleep i thought i should express how much i love you,it's really pointless and idiotic.
After i do something idiotic, i realise how idiotic it was and i just feel like going to the past ,start pointing to myself and laugh.
There was this phrase "男人流血不流淚 a strong man will shed blood before tears" And i don't understand why people try to make it like it is abnormal,shameful and humiliating for a guy to cry.
Isn't our innate behaviour we have when we were born? To cry when we are sad and to smile when we are happy.
Silent cries of misery that everyone has but tries to hide away.
As i will think about our history,our memories,the chemistry we shared and the promises we made.
Alright i have ran out of things to say.It feels better to write out everything you keep in your heart.Goodnight.
You must be kidding me, nowadays links of websites are so long? Or is it trying to ridicule me for the really epic relationship i had? I'm not paranoid! #Goodnight
(reference:http://likes.com/relationships/15-hilariously-bad-breakup-texts?utm_term=25136865&utm_campaign=ml&pid=77483&utm_source=mylikes&utm_medium=cpc&v=eyJjbGlja19pZCI6IDE1MjQ4NDM0OTcsICJwb3N0X2lkIjogMjUxMzY4NjV9&page=15)
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